What To Know About The NATO Dating Trend
This is not a drill: A new dating trend has emerged among Gen Z, and it's actually not obnoxious, brutal, or something that will test your faith in humanity. Since the modern dating world is home to keepers like the toxic ghostlighting craze, we expect every new trend to be worse than the last. But with the arrival of the NATO dating trend, contemporary dating culture may be starting to redeem itself.
NATO dating is when you're "Not Attached To an Outcome." This liberating dating movement involves singletons dating for the joy of dating without being too worried about where it's all leading. You can still end up in a long-term relationship by following this approach, but the key is that you don't go in with non-negotiable plans either way. Rather, you focus on being present for the ups and downs of the dating process.
If your lifelong goal is to find the one, this attitude will probably seem strange and even counterproductive. But if dating has become a chore for you — or you're overwhelmed by disappointment every time a potential relationship doesn't work out — the trend may help you start enjoying life again, while letting the relationships that are meant to be naturally take shape around you.
What NATO dating isn't
It's perhaps appropriate to describe NATO dating as the ultimate form of "chill" dating, but don't get it confused with the more toxic dating habits that are associated with this term. NATO dating isn't suppressing your true feelings and pretending you don't care when you do. It's also not avoiding or pushing away people you have feelings for or using your breezy attitude as an excuse to treat someone badly or be emotionally unavailable. If you're determined to achieve any outcome, whether it's finding a relationship or remaining single, you aren't doing it correctly.
Instead, it should involve jumping into dating and embracing whatever that brings as a means of learning more about yourself and growing past feelings of discomfort. No date is a failure because every date gives you the chance to learn something and experience the real world of dating. But what are folks in the dating scene saying about this trend? "For me, NATO dating is very similar to spiritual dating where there are no limitations, no boundaries and no worries about the future," copywriter Anirudh Korat told Vogue India. "Being together in the present moment becomes the gift." Contrary to what you might have always believed, the dating journey and the lessons you learn from it matter more than the destination.
How to NATO date
It can be tricky to become completely detached from the outcome of something like dating, especially when you may have been conditioned for years to believe that you need a long-term relationship to be happy and successful. One way to do this is to try reverting to a mindset you may have had when you were younger, perhaps when you weren't under pressure to settle down and get your life together against the relentless ticking of your biological clock. In college, you probably dated the people you liked and avoided those you didn't without worrying about what you should be doing or whether you were reaching milestones. Try to regain that perspective where you went with the flow of life and followed your gut instincts.
"I usually go on five to six dates a month," NATO dater Kimberley told The Standard, "and I keep it quite varied because I'm not that interested in anything long term. If I do get on with them and have a good time, I'd see them again ... It's quite clean, quite no strings."
It's also important not to jump to conclusions and date without expectations. Don't become carried away by hopes that this person you're starting to like will be the person you marry. Trust that relationships that are meant to be will organically evolve, while those that aren't won't. Likewise, if things start to progress with someone you didn't think was your type, continue to embrace the journey. You never know where it may lead you.