Tinselling Is The Dating Trend To Confront Sooner Rather Than Later
Even for the most festive amongst us, January brings a welcome change of pace from the chaos of the holidays. The first month of the new year is for slowing things down, preparing for new beginnings, and sometimes, taking charge of the bad habits that slipped in as the old year drew to a close. When it comes to relationships in particular, January offers the perfect opportunity to get things back on track if you and your partner fell into the problematic festive dating trend known as "tinselling."
A term that comes from dating expert Tina Wilson, tinselling refers to couples burying any problems they have and making their relationship look shiny and perfect — kind of like tinsel — over the holidays. "Couples tend to tinsel their relationship during the holiday season because societal and family pressures to feel a sense of unity, love and happiness at this time of the year overrides their true feelings," Wilson explained to Stylist. While it's understandable that you don't want the Christmas dinner table to be the place where you have it out with your significant other, it's not a good idea to wait too long after the holidays to confront any issues you've been avoiding. The longer you put off those difficult discussions, the more likely it is that small problems will fester into big ones.
Why January is the perfect time to stop tinselling
Ideally, when inevitable challenges arise in your relationship, you'll face them head on rather than sweeping them under the rug. Many couples find it difficult to have those challenging conversations in December, since they'd rather not have to handle a breakup during the holidays, but you don't want to avoid facing the music any longer than is necessary. Whether you're dealing with a possible breakup or just some tough conversations and hard work to iron them out, it's best to lay everything on the table as soon as the hectic festive season ends. "Delaying the conversation may cause more hurt than if you had addressed things sooner," Tina Wilson told Stylist, adding that when partners fail to communicate properly, it can "lead to resentment and break down the trust between the two of you."
Even beneath the façade of perfection, a lack of proper communication between two people in a relationship can also cause one or both people to feel isolated, unsupported, and frustrated, which paves the way for more resentment to grow and bad habits to form, per Choosing Therapy. While tinselling may be the easy option, divorce attorney and author Nicole Sodoma confirmed to the New York Post that "being clear and candid with your partner about your feelings upfront may help to lay the groundwork for the new year."
How to stop tinselling and communicate
The veneer cast by tinselling might have your friends and family convinced that everything's perfect within your relationship, but your partner is less likely to be surprised that there are underlying problems. Set aside a time to talk when neither of you will be interrupted or distracted, and connect with them by making eye contact. According to psychologist Dr. Helene Brenner and couples therapist Larry Letich of The Art of Feeling, it's best to talk about what's bothering you honestly, but don't attack your partner. Listen to their responses carefully and discuss how the issues between you are making you feel. Take your time and know that it may take a few conversations to reach a resolution, or the best resolution might even be the end of the relationship.
One of the reasons that people begin tinselling in the first place is because they're afraid of judgment from their friends and family, so remember that you don't need to share what's going on in your relationship until you're ready, or at all. The beauty of dropping the tinselling act in January is that you'll likely have fewer social events and occasions where you'll have to put on a brave face. Whatever the outcome of those tough discussions may be, improving your communication and facing the truth head on will always be better than pretending things are okay when they're not.